It Care

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Do they have:

1. Lack of empathy, they’ll fake it, but they simply don’t care about you, and push hard that they do, often saying it directly until you verbally agree. However, they do feel empathy for themselves, and they’ll show genuine emotional concern when they’re worried about their own wellbeing

2. Polar thinking and polarizing dialogue, you’re with them or against them, people are good or bad, the world is black and white. Everyone who supports them is good, anyone who doesn’t is bad

3. Illusion and fantasy world that makes everything and everyone secondary to themselves. This is the set of beliefs you must accept to be invited into their world. They have a rags to riches sob story, are a hero in their own fairytale quest adventure, the star of the show in the center of a cast of characters that live to support them, their house is a stage, they wear many masks, are a God or surpass God, behave more like a character in a movie instead of a real person

4. Have a social circle and hierarchy of family, friends and the “outside” who never know what’s going on, always assume the best and turn against you when the narcissist needs them to. The family they use and abuse every day, the friends they use when they don’t have their family to abuse

5. Emotionally dependent but pretend to be fiercely independent, need constant contact and to touch base frequently, have a parent-child relationship with you and become a child that you must care for, then switch to being the parent who tells you what to do when convenient. This is called child-parent duality (want to be the child you take care of and the parent that tells you what to do), have problems with authority, like being authority figure and revolt when they aren’t

6. Control and define your life for you, your thoughts, values and beliefs, dehumanize you, interrupt you and waste your time, your time is theirs, you exist for their pleasure, convince others of your fake identity to further pressure you into becoming their fake person

7. Unpredictable, relentless and pathological, feel like you’re in a fog, everything is fine until all of a sudden it isn’t, change their tone of voice abruptly and suffocate you with a blanket of shame and guilt, the blame game is always on, because being alive means having control, it’s a very serious game, the show must go on, they always find a way to continue what they’re doing and never stop, you’re never at ease and can’t find peace with them

8. Master plans and schemes, there’s always a mission and cause they’re working towards, you’re helping them or it’s hidden from you because it’s to get you

9. Distinct and likable personality obscured by their desire to control, they’ll use it to draw you in, usually charismatic, there’s someone in there but they’re stuck in their illness and use it to get pity from you, their core personality and behavior never change, and is usually obsessive and volatile concealed by a cool exterior that vanishes when they’re upset

10. Happy when you’re sad, inverse relationship between your happiness and theirs, never admit it, but it’s apparent in their disapproval and body language. Always make you feel rotten about yourself, to the point of demonstrating no confidence or faith in you. Embarrass you in front of others. Invite people and things into your world that help their goal of making you feel bad and hate yourself

11. Pathological liars who lie to you regularly, may be compelled to cheat on you to get back at you, do things behind your back to feel empowered, laundry list of dirty secrets

12. Cannot adapt or change, need to control you to compensate for personal weaknesses and failings, hound you excessively and need constant support to make their illusion and fantasies of greatness real

13. Go out on adventures and excursions. Can appear or disappear without warning. Sometimes you’re included but mostly you’re not, left wondering where they went and what they were doing

14. Are self-obsessed and egocentric, everything revolves around them. The one exception is when they act sweet to get something from you, so they shower you with praise and ask how you’re doing. It’s usually obvious but some can hide it and make you deny it to yourself

15. Are passive aggressive and make chiding, degrading, diminutive remarks and comments to undermine you and make you question yourself and your worth as a person, constantly, never reveal what they’re actually mad about or how they really feel

Always remember that narcissists naturally turn you away from these signs. They’ll do things for a little while that defy these signs, but only for a little while. They must reveal these behaviors at some point.

You’ll be disappointed to know that I don’t have a number of traits someone must have to be a narcissist. They should show most of these signs in some form. If they lack empathy, enjoy your pain and causing you pain, have a monster ego and illusion you must appease, all while never changing, you’ve got a narcissist.

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