Gene,

I am writing a fairly angry unfiltered letter…I see old behaviors I was promised and hopeful wouldn’t happen. I wanted to write to you before the wheels come off the wagon. I slept horribly last night and been up since 5am. Through out the decision making process, when you were in CA I told you numerous times how worried and scared I was, I was waking up at 3am scared that old behaviors would surface and make me miserable, you assured me that you hit bottom you understand…you got it. Unfortunately, throughout the years and our attempts to make this work, there are behaviors on your part that I find infuriating a then, ultimately, we break up. Twice I have been extremely angry since you have been here, that is not ok, at all, period. As you may remember from the many many many conversations we had in California I am under enough stress, you absolutely cannot consistently bring more. In the last argument we had I said “you sold me a bill of goods:” I believe from your response that you took that as I was breaking if off, giving up but I was so angry I could not articulate my feelings. What I meant is that you emphatically told me numerous times how you learned how to treat me, how to be appreciative, that things would go slow and take time that you understand happy life happy wife and all those clichés and obviously, you sold it. (I always told you sales is for you!) Now I realize a tiger doesn’t change his stripes and there would be bumps in the road but you HAVE to be willing to acknowledge these behaviors and work on them. I didnt allow you to drive two thousand miles, me spend another thousand and go through all of this for nothing this needs to be fixed.

Now that you are here… if I say something you don’t like …you argue. Rarely do you say wow hon I didn’t realize I was being…Im sorry.” period stop no more talking. Its typically met with a defensive argument. Case in point I said ”if you shower it will disturb me” your immediate response ; “no it wont” I said why not watch upstairs ”no too cold” guess its not too cold to smoke a cigar though? When we were trying to pick out movies with the kids everything was ”stupid” never occurred to you that there were three other people? And lastly when I FINNALLY sat down to watch TV Sunday you made me miserable, finally you won! Your show “Girls” played. Just FYI this is my house. You make me feel as if I need permission from you to watch my TV, hold the remote you definitely give off that vibe. That really pisses me off. You are over stepping which translates into a lack of appreciation and selfishness. My well being is important. Do you realize I have issues sleeping? That I work? I absolutely WANT you to be comfortable and I know I have worked hard at making you feel that way…but not at the expense of me feeling like I’m the guest. You MUST be considerate of my schedule, sleeping noise etc… if you choose to sleep in fine but DO NOT DISTURB ME at night. When I come home from work wouldn’t it be nice to say to me “Hi! How was your day?” Or look I made dinner! Or I folded all the laundry (and yes I was unhappy you way overloaded the washer and put my panties in with towels from the floor, lights and darks together) or hey babe would you like to sit relax and watch TV?

I can sum up the behaviors in a couple of words pretty much, selfish and non-appreciative.

Right now this day we are in a very difficult circumstance. It is hard for you and it is hard for me. You are almost completely dependent on me and I have to get used to sharing and to you doing thins your way . But Gene I have evolved, in many ways I am stronger, more independent and self reliant than ever it is a big adjustment for me too.

Last night I felt like Gene comes first second and third. Absolutely zero acknowledgement compassion or support that I work full time, cook, clean etc. All I ask for is basic consideration of my hours my rest, if I talk at least pretend to listen and try your best not to ignore or interrupt. If you don’t feel like talking that’s fine. just tell me you don’t feel like talking and will I will shut up.

I have said a lot please read and re read and read again until you are not emotional and you hear me. Let me know if you want to talk or not.

Love,

Ida